An easy mistake to make

Zoe shares her experience of burnout and recovery, the signs she missed and why burnout has been the worst and best thing that ever happened to her.

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As I write this, April - ‘stress awareness month’ - is just round the corner, and I’m reminded of why I decided to leave my corporate career and set up the Alchemy Academy last year, to do what I feel most passionate about - helping people stress less.

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I can still remember the moment—and the email I received—when I felt like I just couldn’t cope with one more thing.

I was a client relationship / account manager working with several complex and challenging financial service clients. I was accountable for several outsourced services, but without direct line management responsibilities. I managed by influence – I attempted to motivate, cajole, plead, bargain, recognise and reward, to get things done by the under-resourced teams responsible for the service delivery, all being pulled in several directions.

It looked to me at the time like I needed to work harder and longer hours to get everything that needed doing done, on my ever expanding to-do list. I came to work earlier and left later and later. I hardly left my desk to take a break, only to use the bathroom and to grab lunch and bring it back to my desk. I didn’t have lunch with my colleagues, I rarely went home to eat dinner with my husband, and I worked over the weekends. It was mostly just me and my computer, powering through and doubling down.

Hindsight is an amazing thing. I now know that this approach was never going to work.

There was no way of getting to the end of the growing workload and hundreds of emails. I was on a fast track to burnout.

Burnout was nature’s way of having me stop doing what I was doing, given I hadn’t taken heed of any of the previous signs: poor sleep, disconnection from family and friends, being more easily irritated and feeling like I couldn’t cope, doing the same thing over and over again, inability to come up with new ideas / solutions, unable to derive pleasure and joy in simple things, excessive screen time and staying up late.

It cost me my health, my perceived purpose, and my happiness temporarily, but it could have also cost me my marriage.

In retrospect I could wonder how it was possible for me to miss all those signs that were pointing to the need to slow down, rather than working harder and longer. It seems obvious now that I needed fresh perspective, space for new thinking, to say ‘No’ more, to step away from my computer / desk to collaborate with my colleagues, to do the things I love, to exercise, to make time to connect with my partner and get out in nature and stop and smell the roses.

But you can’t see what you don’t see, and I didn’t see it.

Modern society often makes unsustainable models of work harder and longer the norm, especially in the professional services industry in my experience. We wouldn’t want to appear like we are not managing our time and workload effectively, like we’re not as capable as our colleagues, that we’re not pulling our weight or that we’re slacking.

I really appreciate the organisations that see the benefit of slowing down to speed up and which are open to challenging the status quo, with new ways to approach the workplace like the four day week, for example.

Now, nearly twenty years on, I now see my burnout experience as both one of the best and the worst things I have experienced in life so far. It started me on a journey of self-discovery, a quest to understand more about what it is to be human. I have become more grounded, better able to contribute and more successful in my career as a result. I’m the person people love to work with for the energy and perspective I bring. And for that I’m eternally grateful.

I want to use my story, and the experience of others, to show fellow humans that there is a lighter way to navigate life.

If you are experiencing symptoms of burnout, or you’re seeing those symptoms in your team or organisation, please get in touch to discuss how we at The Alchemy Academy may be able to help set things back on track.